Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.
Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?
Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.
Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.
Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.
Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.
Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.
Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.
Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.
Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.
Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.
Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.
Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.
Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.
Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.
Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.
Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.
Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.
Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.
She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."
"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."
"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."
"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."
"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
It occurs to me that the world might just be going to hell faster than anyone assumed it is. Not because people are not going to church or that they do not believe in God. Hell, often the people committing the worst acts are those that frequent church (not that this is any reflection on the major majority of people who attend church and do not commit horrible acts).
Anyway I listened to the news on the way home yesterday. It is currently believed that the "super viruses" which are basically just viruses that no longer respond to drugs (big surprise, they do go though a new generation every few hours or so). Evolution proves that things will adapt given enough time but the drug companies never adapted. This leaves us to face all kinds of infections (from ear to staff) that do not respond to medication. What does that mean? According to recent research more people are dying from these "super viruses" then AIDS. What can we do to help? Avoid pumping our bodies full of medication, try not to use antibiotics soap, and leave the hand sanitizer on the shelf! The more chances we give viruses to adapt the more they will do just that.
Although it is not that story that leads me to believe that the human race has lost its way. The two news stories that prove that are about little children. The first, the guy that slept with a toddler and video taped it! VIDEO TAPED IT! Not to mention the guy who “found” the tape and then kept it for five months. Come on people, I know rape is an act of power not sex but at least rape an adult. I mean that is bad enough but pushing yourself on a toddler, it is just horribly sad and wrong.
The other story, a man who’s three year-old daughter would not take a bath. So he tossed her across the room into the tub. I hear a lot of people talk about how kids are better off when they are spanked or teachers had more power to punish kids. Sure, that is all well and good but if our society has gotten to the point where we need to toss toddlers across a bathroom just to prove that we are bigger than them there is good reason why we need to be so concerned about the physical aspect of punishment (even if we all know that punishment tends to not stop people from committing their actions anyway).
Sometimes three year-olds just do not want to have to face the bedtime routine, they want to stay up and spend time with you.
So, I submit that the stories above are just a little bit of proof that our world is quietly going to hell.
On the other hand, there was a funny story about two guys who beat someone up over a beer. 1 beer. Classic.
Anyway I listened to the news on the way home yesterday. It is currently believed that the "super viruses" which are basically just viruses that no longer respond to drugs (big surprise, they do go though a new generation every few hours or so). Evolution proves that things will adapt given enough time but the drug companies never adapted. This leaves us to face all kinds of infections (from ear to staff) that do not respond to medication. What does that mean? According to recent research more people are dying from these "super viruses" then AIDS. What can we do to help? Avoid pumping our bodies full of medication, try not to use antibiotics soap, and leave the hand sanitizer on the shelf! The more chances we give viruses to adapt the more they will do just that.
Although it is not that story that leads me to believe that the human race has lost its way. The two news stories that prove that are about little children. The first, the guy that slept with a toddler and video taped it! VIDEO TAPED IT! Not to mention the guy who “found” the tape and then kept it for five months. Come on people, I know rape is an act of power not sex but at least rape an adult. I mean that is bad enough but pushing yourself on a toddler, it is just horribly sad and wrong.
The other story, a man who’s three year-old daughter would not take a bath. So he tossed her across the room into the tub. I hear a lot of people talk about how kids are better off when they are spanked or teachers had more power to punish kids. Sure, that is all well and good but if our society has gotten to the point where we need to toss toddlers across a bathroom just to prove that we are bigger than them there is good reason why we need to be so concerned about the physical aspect of punishment (even if we all know that punishment tends to not stop people from committing their actions anyway).
Sometimes three year-olds just do not want to have to face the bedtime routine, they want to stay up and spend time with you.
So, I submit that the stories above are just a little bit of proof that our world is quietly going to hell.
On the other hand, there was a funny story about two guys who beat someone up over a beer. 1 beer. Classic.
Friday, October 12, 2007
A lot of people will tell you that Wal-Mart is evil and has destroyed small town economies but I realized something the other day while walking for a restaurant to the Wal-Mart across the lot.
Wal-Mart, which if you shop there and buy exactly what you would buy other places may save you money. However after watching people drive around the lot and sit in their cars waiting for people to back out of spots so their fat asses can save a few steps I realized that most people will not save money.
Why? Because of the cost of gas, driving around the parking lot may actually negate the savings you will make inside.
The answer? Stop being so damd lazy, walk a few extra steps and just park at a further out spot. I have seen the size of your ass, trust me, you need the exercise!
Wal-Mart, which if you shop there and buy exactly what you would buy other places may save you money. However after watching people drive around the lot and sit in their cars waiting for people to back out of spots so their fat asses can save a few steps I realized that most people will not save money.
Why? Because of the cost of gas, driving around the parking lot may actually negate the savings you will make inside.
The answer? Stop being so damd lazy, walk a few extra steps and just park at a further out spot. I have seen the size of your ass, trust me, you need the exercise!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
What's in a name?
So I graded some papers yesterday (and this morning) for my class. It was an intresting mix of grades but the most amusing was the person that misspelled the word "Technology" in the title of their paper.
While the rest of the paper was strong, you just cannot give full credit for a paper that has the title spelled wrong!
So I graded some papers yesterday (and this morning) for my class. It was an intresting mix of grades but the most amusing was the person that misspelled the word "Technology" in the title of their paper.
While the rest of the paper was strong, you just cannot give full credit for a paper that has the title spelled wrong!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Miss Teen USA Contestant Stupified by Question
South Carolina had a bit of a brain fart, but go US Americans!
Larry Craig...
All I have to say about Senator Craig is, if rubbing your shoe against another man's shoe and waving at people under a bathroom stall is wrong, how the hell do mute people get toilet paper when their stall is out?
Maybe Larry boy was eating a ham sandwich while trying to get the attention of his fellow pooper so that he could borrow some Charmin. Then again, maybe he wanted to borrow some hot man-seed.
Everyone has quoted him as saying: "Let me be clear, I am not gay, I never have been gay," Mr. Craig said. Seems a little too much protesting to me, like a 11 year old boy not wanting to admit he likes a girl (or boy).
Perhaps Mr. Craig just wanted to play Battleshits with his neighbor but was afraid to express his desire in words.
All I have to say about Senator Craig is, if rubbing your shoe against another man's shoe and waving at people under a bathroom stall is wrong, how the hell do mute people get toilet paper when their stall is out?
Maybe Larry boy was eating a ham sandwich while trying to get the attention of his fellow pooper so that he could borrow some Charmin. Then again, maybe he wanted to borrow some hot man-seed.
Everyone has quoted him as saying: "Let me be clear, I am not gay, I never have been gay," Mr. Craig said. Seems a little too much protesting to me, like a 11 year old boy not wanting to admit he likes a girl (or boy).
Perhaps Mr. Craig just wanted to play Battleshits with his neighbor but was afraid to express his desire in words.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I got an email the other day from a parent who wanted to find out what was going on with their child here at work. Apparently the child (or the parent) had applied a year or so ago and had been removed from the system.
Anyway, because the person requesting information was not the applicant I was not at liberty to share any information with them. I eventualy got a response that basicly said their child was a minor and they were the legal guardian and they still wanted information. I told them no.
Today I got an email thanking me for being so "unhelpful."
Funny that the "kid" who is 18 (give or take a few years) and applying to work in a major corporation but he is not responsible enough to find out what is going on with his own application!
The parent wonders why the child was not accepted...
Anyway, because the person requesting information was not the applicant I was not at liberty to share any information with them. I eventualy got a response that basicly said their child was a minor and they were the legal guardian and they still wanted information. I told them no.
Today I got an email thanking me for being so "unhelpful."
Funny that the "kid" who is 18 (give or take a few years) and applying to work in a major corporation but he is not responsible enough to find out what is going on with his own application!
The parent wonders why the child was not accepted...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Even better...
This woman has a few requirements, My favorite is #5. I also like the last sentence.
Hello, I have posted here before...something happened to my email and I lost all of my information on guys that were interested in my gang bang...We have decided to have this on Saturday the 28th. I had so many responses before that I could not possibly even respond to that many men much less handle that many..so I have added a few requirements for the bang.
1. You must be male.
2. You must be d/d free (as I am also)
3. You must be willing to bring your own and wear condoms(this is a requirement)
4. You must be very clean (as I am also)
5. You must bring your own lube.
6. You must reply with a pic...I can send some in return (responses without pics will not be read) 7. You must not be a psycho!!!!
If you meet or are willing to meet these requirements, please feel free to email my yahoo at amyer69 and give me a brief description of why you would like to participate in my gang bang.
I am 5'1, female (and have always been a female), 170lbs., brown hair, green eyes, 38C breasts...
This woman has a few requirements, My favorite is #5. I also like the last sentence.
Hello, I have posted here before...something happened to my email and I lost all of my information on guys that were interested in my gang bang...We have decided to have this on Saturday the 28th. I had so many responses before that I could not possibly even respond to that many men much less handle that many..so I have added a few requirements for the bang.
1. You must be male.
2. You must be d/d free (as I am also)
3. You must be willing to bring your own and wear condoms(this is a requirement)
4. You must be very clean (as I am also)
5. You must bring your own lube.
6. You must reply with a pic...I can send some in return (responses without pics will not be read) 7. You must not be a psycho!!!!
If you meet or are willing to meet these requirements, please feel free to email my yahoo at amyer69 and give me a brief description of why you would like to participate in my gang bang.
I am 5'1, female (and have always been a female), 170lbs., brown hair, green eyes, 38C breasts...
English please!
The following is taken from Craig's List: http://stlouis.craigslist.org/w4m/381118734.html. Isn't it wonderful how people randomly elect to ignore the correct use of the English language.
Dear Gentlemen,
First off, thank-you for taking the opportunity to take a look at this ad. Let's hope you can handle the challenge!
Instead of writing some wimpy poor dramatic ad that is unrealistic. I am going to take for my first time and just get to the point and be direct.
I really need a gentlemen who can show me around a good time!!!!
You must have a picture/s of yourself or a web-cam to reply me. We will NOT move forward unless you do!!
What I am looking for... really it's not much. (lol)
I am wanting a guy to blow me away and show me a really good time for a first date. Later mutually when the date is over we will see where things go. You must have your own car, education is a plus, a job is REQUIRED! (no lazy bums sorry) Must not be shy and be able to communicate! Self-Confidence is really key! Out-going is really a great sign! Someone that also really cares about their health. (Not a severe health conscious person) Just one that doesn't make the habit of going out to eat fast-food all of the time.a BIG-TIME plus is you being able to be a really GREAT cook!!! You MUST know what manners are! (Don't have to be mannered all of the time... just certain occasions) Just a few more things!! (Thanks for bearing with me) Helpful if you are spontaneous and romantic too! Although men with an edge and hint of them liking danger is a turn-on too! :)
I really want someone that can be themselves. Not being cocky or arrogant. I don't need games in my life and one-night stands. This is a serious ad! Age requirements: I would like to seek men between the ages of: 22-30.
As for me... your picture will get mine if your selected! If chosen, I will give a lot more information about myself as well. Just don't want to waste my time if if its not worth it. (Sorry)
If you can really persuade me why your the one to get selected and get chosen! I promise your in for a real treat! I really like to treat men very well and spoil to a great extent!
Good-luck gentlemen!
May the best man be in for the time of their life if you win!!
The following is taken from Craig's List: http://stlouis.craigslist.org/w4m/381118734.html. Isn't it wonderful how people randomly elect to ignore the correct use of the English language.
Dear Gentlemen,
First off, thank-you for taking the opportunity to take a look at this ad. Let's hope you can handle the challenge!
Instead of writing some wimpy poor dramatic ad that is unrealistic. I am going to take for my first time and just get to the point and be direct.
I really need a gentlemen who can show me around a good time!!!!
You must have a picture/s of yourself or a web-cam to reply me. We will NOT move forward unless you do!!
What I am looking for... really it's not much. (lol)
I am wanting a guy to blow me away and show me a really good time for a first date. Later mutually when the date is over we will see where things go. You must have your own car, education is a plus, a job is REQUIRED! (no lazy bums sorry) Must not be shy and be able to communicate! Self-Confidence is really key! Out-going is really a great sign! Someone that also really cares about their health. (Not a severe health conscious person) Just one that doesn't make the habit of going out to eat fast-food all of the time.a BIG-TIME plus is you being able to be a really GREAT cook!!! You MUST know what manners are! (Don't have to be mannered all of the time... just certain occasions) Just a few more things!! (Thanks for bearing with me) Helpful if you are spontaneous and romantic too! Although men with an edge and hint of them liking danger is a turn-on too! :)
I really want someone that can be themselves. Not being cocky or arrogant. I don't need games in my life and one-night stands. This is a serious ad! Age requirements: I would like to seek men between the ages of: 22-30.
As for me... your picture will get mine if your selected! If chosen, I will give a lot more information about myself as well. Just don't want to waste my time if if its not worth it. (Sorry)
If you can really persuade me why your the one to get selected and get chosen! I promise your in for a real treat! I really like to treat men very well and spoil to a great extent!
Good-luck gentlemen!
May the best man be in for the time of their life if you win!!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Alien metal... er, not quite.
A chunk of metal disturbed a man watching TV the other night. At first there was a lot of confusion over where the metal came from. Was it from a train (the tracks run close to his house). Nope. Was it from a plane? Nope. Spacecraft? Nope. Disgruntled Aliens? Possibly.
As it turns out the metal was from a wood chipper.
Since the metal disrupted the guy's TV watching and forced him to pay attention to it, many believe that the metal is female.
Full story.
A chunk of metal disturbed a man watching TV the other night. At first there was a lot of confusion over where the metal came from. Was it from a train (the tracks run close to his house). Nope. Was it from a plane? Nope. Spacecraft? Nope. Disgruntled Aliens? Possibly.
As it turns out the metal was from a wood chipper.
Since the metal disrupted the guy's TV watching and forced him to pay attention to it, many believe that the metal is female.
Full story.
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