FORD DIES OF BROKEN HEART
After learning of the death of American legend James Brown Gerald Ford decided he could not go on. He had suffered through falling down dozens of flights of airplane stairs, knowing that two Bushs were in the White House and that Clinton got a lot of bush in the oval office himself but the final straw was the loss of Brown.
Ford's last words were of course "Whoa-oa-oa! I don't feel good, I knew that I would, now I don't feel good, I knew that I would, now So not good, so not good..."
Because these things happen in threes K-Fed has decided not to leave his house, knowing that if two legends like Ford and Brown went out he is most likely next.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The St. Louis Bluesers
Today I read an article that stated: “The Blues have a lot to smile about after breaking their 11 game loosing streak with an IMPRESSIVE win over Pittsburgh 4-1.”
Now, lets ignore the fact that they lost 11 games in a row and have not won more than 2 games in a row all season or the fact that most of the players they picked up in the off season have Stanley Cups in their display cases. What we cannot ignore is that a 4-1 victory has been called ‘Impressive’ or that a team that has sunk so far that they lost their coach because the players no longer listened to him or that we have players who should be selling ice cream in the park. The Blues players lack one thing…
Heart.
Every night these overpaid pieces of has been hockey players go to sleep they should cry. They should think back to how much fun they had playing hockey when they were 6 years old (although from the way Dead Weight plays hockey I imagine he never really enjoyed the game). Now just to set the stage for you, I have seen a LOT of hockey in my life… can I quote you facts and figures on hockey players? No, because hockey is not something to be broken down by the numbers it is a game. It is something that can only be played from the heart (like any sport).
The Blues players step out on that ice and give it their all for a full 10, maybe 15 minutes. Most of the game they are just spectators as other teams blur by them on their way to another easy victory. They simply lack any work ethic, that is if they have any ethic at all. The loss of their coach proves that. The Blues players are so sad that they just up and decided to stop listening to their leader. The team quit on each other, their coach, and their fans.
The owners promised the fans that the Blues would not be outworked this season. That promise lasted till about 2 minutes into the second period of the first game.
For those that think I am just bitching, I have a solution for the Blues…
Step 1: Send EVERY player down to Peoria and bring the Rivermen up. Let a team that knows where their heart is play for a while. Is this a drastic step? Yes. Does any player on the Blues team deserve to stay in the majors? No. They all need a wakeup call, they need to learn that they are not there because they have the right to be there but that EACH of them has to earn their way back onto the roster.
Step 2: Smack Dead Weight upside his head. This punk has been a drag on the Blues for years. Sure he was on a cup winning team last year but he was INJURED! Not to mention the team had the thing that Doug has never shown, HEART!!! HEART!!! DAMD IT THEY PLAYED THEIR ASSES OFF! Weight coasts into the defensive zone, coasts into the offensive zone. Scoring goals isn’t everything Doug (and no one is impressed with your, what… 4 goals???)
Now, for Keith Kachoke… This was the one player on the Blues team three years ago that I thought worked. I do not feel that is true anymore. There is an infection in the team and it has taken hold of every player.
If the Blues want to root this out they need to crack down. They need to put some feet into the ass of some players. If a player does not skate for 60 minutes they sit for the next 60 minutes. If a player fails the next time then they get to be a beer vendor for the next game. Fail again and you stand out side with a sign that says “I have no heart, this is where you money goes!”
When the Blues players look around at the 12 fans that come to watch them play do they think there is a issue with loyalty or do they realize that they have insulted their fans with their lack of play. Fans will pay to see a team that works for 60 minutes but the Blues have proved that you cannot make someone come to a game to watch the other team get to practice with a bunch of pylons.
Today I read an article that stated: “The Blues have a lot to smile about after breaking their 11 game loosing streak with an IMPRESSIVE win over Pittsburgh 4-1.”
Now, lets ignore the fact that they lost 11 games in a row and have not won more than 2 games in a row all season or the fact that most of the players they picked up in the off season have Stanley Cups in their display cases. What we cannot ignore is that a 4-1 victory has been called ‘Impressive’ or that a team that has sunk so far that they lost their coach because the players no longer listened to him or that we have players who should be selling ice cream in the park. The Blues players lack one thing…
Heart.
Every night these overpaid pieces of has been hockey players go to sleep they should cry. They should think back to how much fun they had playing hockey when they were 6 years old (although from the way Dead Weight plays hockey I imagine he never really enjoyed the game). Now just to set the stage for you, I have seen a LOT of hockey in my life… can I quote you facts and figures on hockey players? No, because hockey is not something to be broken down by the numbers it is a game. It is something that can only be played from the heart (like any sport).
The Blues players step out on that ice and give it their all for a full 10, maybe 15 minutes. Most of the game they are just spectators as other teams blur by them on their way to another easy victory. They simply lack any work ethic, that is if they have any ethic at all. The loss of their coach proves that. The Blues players are so sad that they just up and decided to stop listening to their leader. The team quit on each other, their coach, and their fans.
The owners promised the fans that the Blues would not be outworked this season. That promise lasted till about 2 minutes into the second period of the first game.
For those that think I am just bitching, I have a solution for the Blues…
Step 1: Send EVERY player down to Peoria and bring the Rivermen up. Let a team that knows where their heart is play for a while. Is this a drastic step? Yes. Does any player on the Blues team deserve to stay in the majors? No. They all need a wakeup call, they need to learn that they are not there because they have the right to be there but that EACH of them has to earn their way back onto the roster.
Step 2: Smack Dead Weight upside his head. This punk has been a drag on the Blues for years. Sure he was on a cup winning team last year but he was INJURED! Not to mention the team had the thing that Doug has never shown, HEART!!! HEART!!! DAMD IT THEY PLAYED THEIR ASSES OFF! Weight coasts into the defensive zone, coasts into the offensive zone. Scoring goals isn’t everything Doug (and no one is impressed with your, what… 4 goals???)
Now, for Keith Kachoke… This was the one player on the Blues team three years ago that I thought worked. I do not feel that is true anymore. There is an infection in the team and it has taken hold of every player.
If the Blues want to root this out they need to crack down. They need to put some feet into the ass of some players. If a player does not skate for 60 minutes they sit for the next 60 minutes. If a player fails the next time then they get to be a beer vendor for the next game. Fail again and you stand out side with a sign that says “I have no heart, this is where you money goes!”
When the Blues players look around at the 12 fans that come to watch them play do they think there is a issue with loyalty or do they realize that they have insulted their fans with their lack of play. Fans will pay to see a team that works for 60 minutes but the Blues have proved that you cannot make someone come to a game to watch the other team get to practice with a bunch of pylons.
Sex for thought...
In a report on CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/12/19/premarital.sex.ap/index.html) 95% of people are having sex before marriage. I decided that statistic was not quite accurate so I have taken a poll of my household:
My wife: yes
Myself: yes
My 4 year old: What is that?
My 1 year old: I sorry
The dog: woof
The cat: .......
The fish: HELL YEAHHHH!!!
So there you have it, in the Jacks house it is only 2/7 or less than 25%.
Now, I know that is not a very good representation of the people in the US so I expanded my search to people on the street. After getting popped in the head a few times I was able to reach the following statistics:
Over 90% of people are having sex before marriage.
Of those having sex, 80% are having sex because they know there is no sex after marriage.
100% of the men are enjoying the sex while 30% of the women are wondering what is the big deal!
Of those having sex no one would admit to anal sex, except for the gay men of which 100% are taking up the ass. Athough no straight people would admit to getting screwed like this in bed most admitted they had taken it up the ass at work.
As long as I am making up statistics I would like to continue along with the following 'facts' for your enjoyment:
30% of married men are having sex with women who are 'premarital.'
69% of sex is the man on top
5% of sex is some crazy fucked up shit
Of course the most telling fact in my report is:
100% of the country has been fucked over by GW Bush!
(Wo)Men
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
World of Warcraft re Your Brains GetPedia.com
If you have not heard of Jonathan Coulton you really should check him out. Has some classicly funny stuff. His website is http://www.jonathancoulton.com There are a bunch of videos on YouTube with his stuff as the background music, here is one of my favorites from Warcraft. (This one is from Google Video because YouTube was not working with me). | |
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
We don't need another Bolton!
John Bolton will be stepping down from his appointment to the UN and taking up his spot along side Michael Bolton as guys with the name Bolton that American's cannot agree on.
This reporter heard someone say in a totaly out of context conversation "That Bolton can sing!" and someone else reponsded "Bolton doesn't sing you retard, he plays brass instruments" and still another guy said, "That is Michael Bolton and he does sing. Were talking about John Bolton... morons."
That conversation goes to prove that Americans belive John and Michael Bolton are singers and do not belong in the UN. It also proves that Americans don't really know John or Michael Bolton let alone any of the Boltons on this planet, which leads me to wonder, can you really know anyone?
It also leads me to wonder why the hell Michael Bolton is "Swinging" Sanatra...
John Bolton will be stepping down from his appointment to the UN and taking up his spot along side Michael Bolton as guys with the name Bolton that American's cannot agree on.
This reporter heard someone say in a totaly out of context conversation "That Bolton can sing!" and someone else reponsded "Bolton doesn't sing you retard, he plays brass instruments" and still another guy said, "That is Michael Bolton and he does sing. Were talking about John Bolton... morons."
That conversation goes to prove that Americans belive John and Michael Bolton are singers and do not belong in the UN. It also proves that Americans don't really know John or Michael Bolton let alone any of the Boltons on this planet, which leads me to wonder, can you really know anyone?
It also leads me to wonder why the hell Michael Bolton is "Swinging" Sanatra...
Pay Pal Dial-up service!
Below is an email a co-worker in the IT department received:
Hi Adrian,
Just wondering if you can give Teresa pay pal on her computer so that she may access the intranet bulletin when out of the office.
Let me know!
Thanks!
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
XXXXXXXX
Sr. Marketing & Communications Manager
- - -
INROADS, Inc.
XXXXXXXX
--- We are excited to find out that Pay Pal is now offering remote dial up service!
(The program we use is called "Pal").
Below is an email a co-worker in the IT department received:
Hi Adrian,
Just wondering if you can give Teresa pay pal on her computer so that she may access the intranet bulletin when out of the office.
Let me know!
Thanks!
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
XXXXXXXX
Sr. Marketing & Communications Manager
- - -
INROADS, Inc.
XXXXXXXX
--- We are excited to find out that Pay Pal is now offering remote dial up service!
(The program we use is called "Pal").
Baby gets Drunk... accidentaly
This story (http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/12/04/baby.drunk.ap/index.html) out of Colorado Springs, Colorado begs the drunk driving excuse:
"I'm sorry officer... I accidently drank that six pack" or "I'm sorry officer, I accidently started driving my car after drinking that fifth of vodka, killing that stripper, and cutting her head off."
Maybe that excuse will work for OJ...
"I'm sorry, I accidently stabbed my ex-wife and her lover over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..."
This story (http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/12/04/baby.drunk.ap/index.html) out of Colorado Springs, Colorado begs the drunk driving excuse:
"I'm sorry officer... I accidently drank that six pack" or "I'm sorry officer, I accidently started driving my car after drinking that fifth of vodka, killing that stripper, and cutting her head off."
Maybe that excuse will work for OJ...
"I'm sorry, I accidently stabbed my ex-wife and her lover over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..."
Friday, November 03, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Michael J. Fox
Claire McCaskill, the crazy bitch from Missouri who is running agaist Jim Tallent, also a crazy bitch from Missouri had Michael J. Fox do a video for her. You can watch it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9WB_PXjTBo
In the video Michael J. Fox is bouncing around from his illness. Now it is all a big deal because he has admited to not taking his drugs when he does commericals or goes before congress to rally support for medical advances (stem cell research).
Rush called him out on this fact but I think it is fair for him to take himself off the drugs to show exactly what Parkinson Disease does to a person.
Ironicly, I have discovered that this is not the first time someone has 'bent the truth' with the American public. After years of research I have discovered that the Bush Administration 'bent the truth' on the weapons of mass distruction.
I have also discovered that many movie ads are will mislead you to believe a movie is good while it is actualy crap.
Why is it a big deal that someone with a Parkinson Desease would show people what it actualy does to a person insted of show what it is like when your on your medication slowly waiting for our body to no longer respond to the meds or to stop functioning?
More to the point, why does Clarie McCaskill suck as bad as Jim Talent?
My question is, if all the people against stem cell research developed a desease that needs stem cell research to correct would they suddenly switch sides or just die and leave us alone?
I can only hope for number two ;)
Claire McCaskill, the crazy bitch from Missouri who is running agaist Jim Tallent, also a crazy bitch from Missouri had Michael J. Fox do a video for her. You can watch it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9WB_PXjTBo
In the video Michael J. Fox is bouncing around from his illness. Now it is all a big deal because he has admited to not taking his drugs when he does commericals or goes before congress to rally support for medical advances (stem cell research).
Rush called him out on this fact but I think it is fair for him to take himself off the drugs to show exactly what Parkinson Disease does to a person.
Ironicly, I have discovered that this is not the first time someone has 'bent the truth' with the American public. After years of research I have discovered that the Bush Administration 'bent the truth' on the weapons of mass distruction.
I have also discovered that many movie ads are will mislead you to believe a movie is good while it is actualy crap.
Why is it a big deal that someone with a Parkinson Desease would show people what it actualy does to a person insted of show what it is like when your on your medication slowly waiting for our body to no longer respond to the meds or to stop functioning?
More to the point, why does Clarie McCaskill suck as bad as Jim Talent?
My question is, if all the people against stem cell research developed a desease that needs stem cell research to correct would they suddenly switch sides or just die and leave us alone?
I can only hope for number two ;)
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Thoughts for the day...
Today I read that 10,000 refugees from Burundi coming to U.S. I asked a friend if he had any space. He said a little and he could really use some help around the house. You know, cleaning, lawn care, etc.
----------------------------------------------------
This morning I realized that the Cardinals were not playing in the world series (after thinking that for the last few days). This realization occurred after I remembered that the Mets and the Cards are both in the National League and it seemed weird that two National League teams were playing in the World Series.
----------------------------------------------------
Last night I was playing World of Warcraft (a multiplayer online world) and I had taken my low level (18) character from the “Horde” side and charged him across the world past things that he should not see for the next 40 levels to assist in completing a quest for my higher (level 60) “Alliance” character.
Anyway, my little guy died about 30 times trying to get to where I needed to be, so the trip was really: run, die, ghost back to where I died, run die, resurrect in a grave yard closer to where I need to go, run, die, ghost back to where I died, run die, ghost back to where I died, wash rinse repeat.
It took about 45 minutes to get where I was going, by the time I got there my character was basically naked because his stuff had suffered so much damage. But it didn’t matter, I wanted to get this quest off my list and I was determined to make it happen.
So, I finally get to where I am going. I toss up my little pvp flag that means anyone from the “Alliance” side can kill me (since I am level 18 and they are all level 60 or so it only takes about 3 hits). What I had to do was stand in one location and wait while a tower was “converted” from Alliance to Horde.
Standing there I am not really paying much attention to the screen when I hear the sound of metal being scrapped over a sharpening stone. I turn my view and there standing behind me is a level 60 rogue SHARPENING up his blade to do battle with me.
About half a second later I am ghosting back to my body.
Eventually, after telling all the people in the area what I am doing; and ending up with other people that want to ‘capture’ the tower I take the tower for the horde and then recapture it.
All in all the plan went about as I expected it but I think I owe my Horde player an ice cream.
Note: the rogue apologized for slaughtering my horde character after I told him what I was doing. He figured he was going to get attacked by 4 high level horde members when he went after me. I even helped some other Alliance characters take the tower for their own quests. Yeah for me!
----------------------------------------------------
I heard a story about the Miami vs. Florida International fight… I mean football game from Saturday. The story was that the local police department had sponsored a “Join a team not a gang” night at the football game. I do not know if it is true, but given the fact that 8 players are suspended after that game and people were using helmets as weapons it might not have been such a great plan.
----------------------------------------------------
That is all I have for today… I am sure more fun things will happen soon. Till then, screw Flanders!
Today I read that 10,000 refugees from Burundi coming to U.S. I asked a friend if he had any space. He said a little and he could really use some help around the house. You know, cleaning, lawn care, etc.
----------------------------------------------------
This morning I realized that the Cardinals were not playing in the world series (after thinking that for the last few days). This realization occurred after I remembered that the Mets and the Cards are both in the National League and it seemed weird that two National League teams were playing in the World Series.
----------------------------------------------------
Last night I was playing World of Warcraft (a multiplayer online world) and I had taken my low level (18) character from the “Horde” side and charged him across the world past things that he should not see for the next 40 levels to assist in completing a quest for my higher (level 60) “Alliance” character.
Anyway, my little guy died about 30 times trying to get to where I needed to be, so the trip was really: run, die, ghost back to where I died, run die, resurrect in a grave yard closer to where I need to go, run, die, ghost back to where I died, run die, ghost back to where I died, wash rinse repeat.
It took about 45 minutes to get where I was going, by the time I got there my character was basically naked because his stuff had suffered so much damage. But it didn’t matter, I wanted to get this quest off my list and I was determined to make it happen.
So, I finally get to where I am going. I toss up my little pvp flag that means anyone from the “Alliance” side can kill me (since I am level 18 and they are all level 60 or so it only takes about 3 hits). What I had to do was stand in one location and wait while a tower was “converted” from Alliance to Horde.
Standing there I am not really paying much attention to the screen when I hear the sound of metal being scrapped over a sharpening stone. I turn my view and there standing behind me is a level 60 rogue SHARPENING up his blade to do battle with me.
About half a second later I am ghosting back to my body.
Eventually, after telling all the people in the area what I am doing; and ending up with other people that want to ‘capture’ the tower I take the tower for the horde and then recapture it.
All in all the plan went about as I expected it but I think I owe my Horde player an ice cream.
Note: the rogue apologized for slaughtering my horde character after I told him what I was doing. He figured he was going to get attacked by 4 high level horde members when he went after me. I even helped some other Alliance characters take the tower for their own quests. Yeah for me!
----------------------------------------------------
I heard a story about the Miami vs. Florida International fight… I mean football game from Saturday. The story was that the local police department had sponsored a “Join a team not a gang” night at the football game. I do not know if it is true, but given the fact that 8 players are suspended after that game and people were using helmets as weapons it might not have been such a great plan.
----------------------------------------------------
That is all I have for today… I am sure more fun things will happen soon. Till then, screw Flanders!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
How was I missed?
With catholic priests and conservative congressmen taking an interest in young boys I am again wondering HOW THE HELL DID I GET LEFT OUT!?!?
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Polygamist just wants quiet...
Warren Jeffs agreed to not fight extradition on the charges of arranging marriages between underage girls and older men. He is the leader of a breakaway part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and believes in polygamy. Jeffs has over 20 wives and when arrested it has been rumored that he told the police “I’ll do anything you want, those crazy bitches in the back seat won’t shut up… just take me where I can have some peace and quiet!”
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
You've got mail!
Radio Shack decided to layoff a large number of employees via email because they are having trouble competing and want to get a competitive edge. Maybe they should try setting their prices closer to their competition (which around here would require up to a 50% reduction on the price tag on many things). That might help them be more competitive!
Which reminds me. The last time I called a Radio Shack I asked the guy if they sold a cable with a DVI end and a HDMI end and he told me he had never heard of such a thing and though that they would be hard to find and certainly would not be available in St. Louis.
After looking on the web for a few minutes I found http://www.showmecables.com which not only makes cables they sell them (even custom jobs) for cheaper than Radio Shack sells their standard cables.
The kicker… they are right here in St. Louis!
Guess who got my business!
So, Radio Shack… maybe you can send me an email letting me know:
Until then I will continue to take my business elsewhere.
Which reminds me. The last time I called a Radio Shack I asked the guy if they sold a cable with a DVI end and a HDMI end and he told me he had never heard of such a thing and though that they would be hard to find and certainly would not be available in St. Louis.
After looking on the web for a few minutes I found http://www.showmecables.com which not only makes cables they sell them (even custom jobs) for cheaper than Radio Shack sells their standard cables.
The kicker… they are right here in St. Louis!
Guess who got my business!
So, Radio Shack… maybe you can send me an email letting me know:
- When you are going to hire employees that understand the items they sell
- When you plan to set reasonable prices
- When you are going to go back to being that handy store that always had the part I needed instead of the store that sells cheap RC cars and consumer garbage.
Until then I will continue to take my business elsewhere.
Always remember to turn off your mic when your off to do the poo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp7QhEeQF_o
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Bush promises to continue fight to make the world like America!!!
Bush has promised that he will continue to bring freedom to the people around the world. His plan to do this: more wiretaps, keeping people imprissioned without trial, securing more individual power for himself, and what country would be without it's freedom brought to us by the FCC.
I know that I am leaving out things like the freedom to carry a soda onto an airplane but at least he is not rounding up Americans like they did in the cold war; that is to say... so far...
Bush has promised that he will continue to bring freedom to the people around the world. His plan to do this: more wiretaps, keeping people imprissioned without trial, securing more individual power for himself, and what country would be without it's freedom brought to us by the FCC.
I know that I am leaving out things like the freedom to carry a soda onto an airplane but at least he is not rounding up Americans like they did in the cold war; that is to say... so far...
You will always have someone to make fun of, I promise!
Some people might remember my story about visiting a local retailer where I saw a group of mentally disabled teenagers walking down the hall making fun of the one that had to wear a helmet; thus proving that there is always someone lower than you.
In this spirit I discovered another such instance. Today when I was getting gas, the attendants at the station were laughing because a customer’s wife worked at Wal-Mart. So, the gas station people felt their jobs as pump masters elevated them above someone who wears the blue smock…
Some people might remember my story about visiting a local retailer where I saw a group of mentally disabled teenagers walking down the hall making fun of the one that had to wear a helmet; thus proving that there is always someone lower than you.
In this spirit I discovered another such instance. Today when I was getting gas, the attendants at the station were laughing because a customer’s wife worked at Wal-Mart. So, the gas station people felt their jobs as pump masters elevated them above someone who wears the blue smock…
Monday, July 17, 2006
Thinking of Ken Lay...
Thinking of Ken Lay… I do not find it odd that he died, he was after all an evil bastard (which I have to respect and all) but he was on vacation AFTER being found guilty of the crimes he was charged with.
How is it that a man who has been found guilty is allowed to travel around the US with his family prior to being sentenced?!?! It seems that he would be a bit of a high flight risk… at least to me.
If it had been me, I’d be stuck at home for the few days between when I was found guilty and when I was sent to jail, that is, if I was not held in custody until the time came that I was sentenced…
I hope he is still alive so he can commit more fun crimes and possibly get raped in a Mexican prison by a guy named Jesus.
How is it that a man who has been found guilty is allowed to travel around the US with his family prior to being sentenced?!?! It seems that he would be a bit of a high flight risk… at least to me.
If it had been me, I’d be stuck at home for the few days between when I was found guilty and when I was sent to jail, that is, if I was not held in custody until the time came that I was sentenced…
I hope he is still alive so he can commit more fun crimes and possibly get raped in a Mexican prison by a guy named Jesus.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
You learn something new every day
I learned something interesting today, and it makes sense if you think about it. Drafts in your home are caused by openings that allow air to move from outside to inside. Of course, the air inside your home has to move someplace as well.
Often air will come in through holes in insulation, around windows, and down vent pipes. So where does the air go out? A lot of times it can go out the same places, but it can also go out the drain pipes that go down into the ground. So your pipes can pull air out of your house causing air to be drawn inside from the outside world…
Funky huh…
Often air will come in through holes in insulation, around windows, and down vent pipes. So where does the air go out? A lot of times it can go out the same places, but it can also go out the drain pipes that go down into the ground. So your pipes can pull air out of your house causing air to be drawn inside from the outside world…
Funky huh…
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sony unleashes the beast
Hey Sony… $599 for the PS3?!!?! Have you lost your F#@K!NG mind? The only thing that will achieve is a record sale of Xbox units in the next month.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Extraordinary Rendition
These two words make me want to join the CIA, because we know it has been happening for years, but we didn’t have a term for it.
FYI: This is when the US transfers prisoners to other countries, where they are not suppose to be tortured, but they are out of the control of the US, so what it really means is the US transfers people they want to do very nasty things to over to countries that are not as tied by civil rights as we are.
FYI: This is when the US transfers prisoners to other countries, where they are not suppose to be tortured, but they are out of the control of the US, so what it really means is the US transfers people they want to do very nasty things to over to countries that are not as tied by civil rights as we are.
More money for Lawyers
OJ is down at the derby this week and is enjoying his time with the beautiful horses and colorful jockeys (see Uncle Buck). It is good to see that he has not lost his stabbing whit that he is so famous for. When asked what his favorite horse was he said “Lawyer Ron.”
To me this makes sense, he is use to giving money to lawyers so it should be natural for him to drop some more cash on a four legged one. I just would not attend the post race party if OJ looses money, who knows what he might do.
On a side note, OJ has declined an offer from Ginsu knives to be a spoke person…
[Yeah, I know, OJ jokes are way outdated, but that one is always amusing to me.]
To me this makes sense, he is use to giving money to lawyers so it should be natural for him to drop some more cash on a four legged one. I just would not attend the post race party if OJ looses money, who knows what he might do.
On a side note, OJ has declined an offer from Ginsu knives to be a spoke person…
[Yeah, I know, OJ jokes are way outdated, but that one is always amusing to me.]
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Research? For a research paper???
The sun had come up, the sky was blue with a few light fluffy clouds floating across that open sea. The temperature was close to 60 degrees and rising. In other-words, it was a good morning so to correct that I opened my University e-mail account and found this message:
Mr. Jacks,
I have a few questions about the way that my paper was graded.
-I lost X points for having no citations, but no citations were required so how can I lose points for something that I was not required to have?
-I lost X points for not having a reference page, again not a requirement?
-I lost X points for my intro and conclusion. I am wrong that this is a computer/technology course should my paper be graded more on content than it is on style, grammar, and punctuation?
I am not saying that I deserve a 100 for this paper but does it really only deserve a XX?
I sat there looking at the e-mail wondering, “This student submitted a paper that had a one sentence introduction, no conclusion, and no references.” It had been up to this point that I had assumed that assigning a “Research Paper” would let the students know they were suppose to do research to complete the paper and provide citations and a resource page to these sources.
Maybe it is just me, but every paper I turned in during my college years required that I quote my sources. It was just common sense, you use someone else’s data then you cite that source.
So, I was wrong. Students apparently do not just assume that the paper should have sources and cite them and even worse, some students do not believe they have to write a correctly formed paper. Maybe I am just a bit of a stickler for a paper that reads like a paper and not something that reads like randomly pulling words out of a bag.
This student’s paper would have been scored much high had he simply included an introduction and a conclusion and had spent the time to include his sources. But the good news for him is I am planning to make sure that future students fully understand exactly what is expected… His legacy will live on!
Way to go big guy!
Mr. Jacks,
I have a few questions about the way that my paper was graded.
-I lost X points for having no citations, but no citations were required so how can I lose points for something that I was not required to have?
-I lost X points for not having a reference page, again not a requirement?
-I lost X points for my intro and conclusion. I am wrong that this is a computer/technology course should my paper be graded more on content than it is on style, grammar, and punctuation?
I am not saying that I deserve a 100 for this paper but does it really only deserve a XX?
I sat there looking at the e-mail wondering, “This student submitted a paper that had a one sentence introduction, no conclusion, and no references.” It had been up to this point that I had assumed that assigning a “Research Paper” would let the students know they were suppose to do research to complete the paper and provide citations and a resource page to these sources.
Maybe it is just me, but every paper I turned in during my college years required that I quote my sources. It was just common sense, you use someone else’s data then you cite that source.
So, I was wrong. Students apparently do not just assume that the paper should have sources and cite them and even worse, some students do not believe they have to write a correctly formed paper. Maybe I am just a bit of a stickler for a paper that reads like a paper and not something that reads like randomly pulling words out of a bag.
This student’s paper would have been scored much high had he simply included an introduction and a conclusion and had spent the time to include his sources. But the good news for him is I am planning to make sure that future students fully understand exactly what is expected… His legacy will live on!
Way to go big guy!
Friday, April 07, 2006
I know I'm glad this has been decided...
According to many medical professionals drinking alcohol increases the risk of alcoholism. The same doctors have decided that there are no klingons around Uranus, but they will not make any official statement about Your anus.
Naughty America - Let's get ready to screw!
I am the happiest man in the world today since discovering “Naughty America: The Game” at http://www.naughtyamericathegame.com/.
This game allows you to meet people in a virtual world and have sex (either in an apartment or in a public sex zone such as the “cowboy room.”
You can watch the person’s web cam while your cartoons are having intercourse and as an added bonus you are able to smack the girl’s ass.
Soon to a be a classic around the world, although I see the players as not being the married men and women that populate today’s gaming world because it has divorce proceedings written all over it!
But the trailer had me rolling!
This game allows you to meet people in a virtual world and have sex (either in an apartment or in a public sex zone such as the “cowboy room.”
You can watch the person’s web cam while your cartoons are having intercourse and as an added bonus you are able to smack the girl’s ass.
Soon to a be a classic around the world, although I see the players as not being the married men and women that populate today’s gaming world because it has divorce proceedings written all over it!
But the trailer had me rolling!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Pants... bah!
I think pants are overrated. Every day people all over the world get up and toss on a pair of pants to go to work, play, or just to sit around on their fat ass and watch TV. But why do we always wear pants? Personally I would be a lot happier if I could just walk around naked. Imagine the benefits of being naked. People would exercise and stay in shape because they would be embarrassed to be too overweight so people would be healthier. People would be less ashamed of their bodies and less fascinated with the bodies of the opposite sex. We could save the money we spend on pants (or clothes in general) and boost our savings accounts. Children would be able to learn about their bodies without the shame that their parents put upon them. Crime could go down because we would carry less.
Plus it is just fun to be naked!
Plus it is just fun to be naked!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
God is Love... Christians miss the memo
God = Love
Christians have demonstrated this through the Crusades, Inqusition, the Catholic Church assisting the Nazi’s, and of course slavery, sweatshops, and child labor.
That kind of love can kill ya!
Christians have demonstrated this through the Crusades, Inqusition, the Catholic Church assisting the Nazi’s, and of course slavery, sweatshops, and child labor.
That kind of love can kill ya!
No worries mon!
A Dubai-based company is looking to take over management of six US seaports. President Bush stated that Americans should not be worried about security and safety from this deal.
"People don't need to worry about security," Bush said., “Hell, most American’s don’t even live near the ports, so what is the problem?”
"People don't need to worry about security," Bush said., “Hell, most American’s don’t even live near the ports, so what is the problem?”
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Chaney gets tired of hunting birds, goes for something bigger!
After eight years of driving liberals and most sane Americans crazy, everyone can finally find something to love in Vice President Dick Chaney.
The “Big Dick”, as many people call him (except his wife who cannot stop laughing when she hears the nickname) shot up a Texas lawyer.
Chaney claims this was an accident, but it proves a few things to the American public:
1 – Chaney’s aim sucks
2 – Chaney hates lawyers as much as any normal American, he just has enough power to get away with shooting one!
I think this is decisive action, and finally an act by the “Conservative” Bush party that I can get behind. I think everyone should start taking lawyers “hunting.”
I just hope that the rest of us have better aim.
Besides, February is lawyer season in Texas is it not?
The “Big Dick”, as many people call him (except his wife who cannot stop laughing when she hears the nickname) shot up a Texas lawyer.
Chaney claims this was an accident, but it proves a few things to the American public:
1 – Chaney’s aim sucks
2 – Chaney hates lawyers as much as any normal American, he just has enough power to get away with shooting one!
I think this is decisive action, and finally an act by the “Conservative” Bush party that I can get behind. I think everyone should start taking lawyers “hunting.”
I just hope that the rest of us have better aim.
Besides, February is lawyer season in Texas is it not?
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Why I do not live in Turkey:
"What appears to be an explosive material has exploded at a Bayrampasa internet cafe," Istanbul police chief Celalettin Cerrah told reporters after visiting the scene.
Thanks Chief!
Thanks Chief!
Friday, February 03, 2006
World of Warcraft Looting Rules
I have played with a few groups in World of Warcraft now (being new to the game and enjoying the time I play in 2 people groups or solo) and I have noted some differences in the way groups loot. To that I wanted to establish my own set of rules to use when I am in a group as the leader or to recommend to a group I am joining.
Here Goes:
When an item of use (or value) drops the person looting should ask the group if anyone NEEDS it. At that point the people who need it should roll for it (or if it is one person they should loot it).
If no one NEEDS the item it should be rolled on by everyone interested in the item.
Everyone should get one item before anyone gets a second item (the exception being, if a caster rolls on a low level piece of leather armor with everyone else and a really good wand or staff comes up later they should be allowed to roll or loot here if the rest of the group does not NEED the item).
Common sense should be the guide to looting. Warriors should not roll on wands when the mage in their group could really use it and that mage should not roll on that bright shiny new armor when the warrior could use it as well.
Passing on good items that you cannot use and only want to sell means that people are more likely to pass on the items you can use and everyone goes home happy.
The Lightning Troopers have a good guide to looting here: http://www.lightningtroopers.com/ltlootrules.htm
Here Goes:
When an item of use (or value) drops the person looting should ask the group if anyone NEEDS it. At that point the people who need it should roll for it (or if it is one person they should loot it).
If no one NEEDS the item it should be rolled on by everyone interested in the item.
Everyone should get one item before anyone gets a second item (the exception being, if a caster rolls on a low level piece of leather armor with everyone else and a really good wand or staff comes up later they should be allowed to roll or loot here if the rest of the group does not NEED the item).
Common sense should be the guide to looting. Warriors should not roll on wands when the mage in their group could really use it and that mage should not roll on that bright shiny new armor when the warrior could use it as well.
Passing on good items that you cannot use and only want to sell means that people are more likely to pass on the items you can use and everyone goes home happy.
The Lightning Troopers have a good guide to looting here: http://www.lightningtroopers.com/ltlootrules.htm
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Resolving the “terror” problems
Here, today, I am inviting Osama Bin Laden to an iron cage match with the President of the United States, George W. Bush. There seems to be a lot of disagreement between these two men, mainly on which one of them should rot in a snake pit while rabid hamsters eat their testicles; but all of this could be resolved in the cage!
The WWE does not get the respect they deserve for coming up with this idea which I feel is caused by wrestling having become such a freak show with sub-plots and storylines that split and change direction mid show. However if the cage match was used to resolve real world issues think about how much more entertaining that would be.
Two men enter
One man leaves
Two men enter
One man leaves
Two men enter
One man leaves
Personally I do not see much of a loss if it is two men enter and no man leaves. As long as someone takes Chaney out at the same time.
The WWE does not get the respect they deserve for coming up with this idea which I feel is caused by wrestling having become such a freak show with sub-plots and storylines that split and change direction mid show. However if the cage match was used to resolve real world issues think about how much more entertaining that would be.
Two men enter
One man leaves
Two men enter
One man leaves
Two men enter
One man leaves
Personally I do not see much of a loss if it is two men enter and no man leaves. As long as someone takes Chaney out at the same time.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
The lost art of online gaming...
My fun in World of Warcraft continues, although I am still boggled by some of the things that go on in the game.
People will run up to me and just launch the window that prompts to group instead of first asking if I want to group or even saying “Hi”
People who type everything in CAPITAL letters and cannot type out a sentence or carry on a conversation. That drives me crazy. If you are going to group, why not have a conversation and chat a little?!?
My favorite though is the number of people that ask if I would like to join their guild. Now some people take the time to at least play the game with me for a few minutes (like the couple I met – Wifey and Husband). They were the closest I came to accepting. Although I find myself being drawn to the people I meet who do not ask if I have any interest in joining their guild.
Much of the time I enjoy just playing the game solo and in small groups but I just don’t have the urge to join a guild at this time.
It is not that I want to be anti-social, nor do I not want to help people out. There are times I spend hours helping people with their quests, which is always fun for me to help people along (and gain some exp along the way ;)
I guess that social interaction is hurt by the age ranges in the game, I believe the guy I played with was very young as the most he ever said is “WHAT NOW?” while we were exploring.
The game is not as much fun when the interaction is not there or when your playing with someone who runs away before you can heal them and they die; but that is a rant for another day!
Maybe I am the last of me breed, a player who just wants to play and stand his own ground.
As a side note, there are not many people online at 6:45 AM!
People will run up to me and just launch the window that prompts to group instead of first asking if I want to group or even saying “Hi”
People who type everything in CAPITAL letters and cannot type out a sentence or carry on a conversation. That drives me crazy. If you are going to group, why not have a conversation and chat a little?!?
My favorite though is the number of people that ask if I would like to join their guild. Now some people take the time to at least play the game with me for a few minutes (like the couple I met – Wifey and Husband). They were the closest I came to accepting. Although I find myself being drawn to the people I meet who do not ask if I have any interest in joining their guild.
Much of the time I enjoy just playing the game solo and in small groups but I just don’t have the urge to join a guild at this time.
It is not that I want to be anti-social, nor do I not want to help people out. There are times I spend hours helping people with their quests, which is always fun for me to help people along (and gain some exp along the way ;)
I guess that social interaction is hurt by the age ranges in the game, I believe the guy I played with was very young as the most he ever said is “WHAT NOW?” while we were exploring.
The game is not as much fun when the interaction is not there or when your playing with someone who runs away before you can heal them and they die; but that is a rant for another day!
Maybe I am the last of me breed, a player who just wants to play and stand his own ground.
As a side note, there are not many people online at 6:45 AM!
Do as I say, not as I do!
U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said any group that participates in a democratic process should "ultimately disarm." Otherwise, he said, there was a "fundamental contradiction."
This was said about Hamas winning power in Palestine, of course my question is how has democracy survived so long under the strength of arms in the US, France, Germany, wherever…
How many times has the US government used military strength to shut down their “enemy” or even protesters within the country?
Why is it that we expect Hamas to disarm from their goal of protecting themselves from Israel when we are “enforcing peace” in Iraq, a country that never really posed a threat to us.
Considering the number of casualties on the innocent Palestinian side far outweighs the number of casualties on the Israel side.
This was said about Hamas winning power in Palestine, of course my question is how has democracy survived so long under the strength of arms in the US, France, Germany, wherever…
How many times has the US government used military strength to shut down their “enemy” or even protesters within the country?
Why is it that we expect Hamas to disarm from their goal of protecting themselves from Israel when we are “enforcing peace” in Iraq, a country that never really posed a threat to us.
Considering the number of casualties on the innocent Palestinian side far outweighs the number of casualties on the Israel side.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I heard a news article on the radio today about a young man who decided to sell crack on the Internet. Personally I find this to be very enterprising of him. He was only trying to expand his market and increase sales!
The police however disagree with me. They contacted him via the phone number he provided and arranged to meet with him to "purchase some product"
At least he will be getting a few free meals out of the deal.
The police however disagree with me. They contacted him via the phone number he provided and arranged to meet with him to "purchase some product"
At least he will be getting a few free meals out of the deal.
Quick Thought
Something a man should never say: I’m sorry it is kinda small!
(This was heard in a meeting today)
Monday, January 23, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Playing Online...
I have, again, gotten sucked into a online game… I don’t know what it is about these games that just make me want to sit around and play, but man they are addictive for a while.
While I played EQ for a year or so, I have switched to World of Warcraft (being a Blizzard fan from days gone by). So far it has been as much fun as EQ, although it seems that the prey in the game is easier in Warcraft than it ever was in EQ.
Soloing in Warcraft (as a Druid) I am easily able to take down creatures that are 2 or 3 levels above me, there are times when I die, but I have had some good luck so far… until last night.
I was working on a quest where you have to get a bottle of water filled, so I head out to the river and go to where the quest requires you to go and attempted to collect my water. I was quickly attacked by the baddies located there and had to run away (Killer rabbits get you every time).
Two other people were working on the same quest, so I got us all together and we killed off the two bad guys that attacked when you tried to get the water. Then as I am standing there waiting for them to get their water they go charging into the bad guy cave and bring out extra enemies… I die.
I died, of course, because I was not really paying attention to my own life bar, so I cannot entirely blame my teammates, I would say it was their fault we got attacked and my fault for keeping my head in my ass.
I got back to my body, came back to life, etc etc, and my partners repeated the same trick… I died again.
I didn’t have time to protect myself, although again I probably had my head up my ass…
So, the point here is, keep your head out of your ass and your group-mates out of the dammed cave!
While I played EQ for a year or so, I have switched to World of Warcraft (being a Blizzard fan from days gone by). So far it has been as much fun as EQ, although it seems that the prey in the game is easier in Warcraft than it ever was in EQ.
Soloing in Warcraft (as a Druid) I am easily able to take down creatures that are 2 or 3 levels above me, there are times when I die, but I have had some good luck so far… until last night.
I was working on a quest where you have to get a bottle of water filled, so I head out to the river and go to where the quest requires you to go and attempted to collect my water. I was quickly attacked by the baddies located there and had to run away (Killer rabbits get you every time).
Two other people were working on the same quest, so I got us all together and we killed off the two bad guys that attacked when you tried to get the water. Then as I am standing there waiting for them to get their water they go charging into the bad guy cave and bring out extra enemies… I die.
I died, of course, because I was not really paying attention to my own life bar, so I cannot entirely blame my teammates, I would say it was their fault we got attacked and my fault for keeping my head in my ass.
I got back to my body, came back to life, etc etc, and my partners repeated the same trick… I died again.
I didn’t have time to protect myself, although again I probably had my head up my ass…
So, the point here is, keep your head out of your ass and your group-mates out of the dammed cave!
France just won't talk (from the AP)
France rejected Iran's request for more talks on the Islamic republic's nuclear program, saying Wednesday that Tehran first must suspend its atomic activities.Iran reported that they had trouble hearing France over the sound of rifles dropping.
Where did I leave my “Freedom Fries”?
France rejected Iran's request for more talks on the Islamic republic's nuclear program, saying Wednesday that Tehran first must suspend its atomic activities.Iran reported that they had trouble hearing France over the sound of rifles dropping.
Where did I leave my “Freedom Fries”?
My 2006 Top Ten List:
10. Spend more time with my daughters, less time on other things
9. Finish my model helicopter
8. Finish the basement (Planned Finish Date: Christmas 2005)
7. Finish this list (Planned Finish Date: Half past a monkey's ass)
6. Come up with a funny top 10 list
5. Exercise more -- Cake is just so tasty...
4. Organize all the porn on my computer
3. Stop “Reality TV" -- Give me a gun and we will have a real "survivor" show.
2. Never ever again bet on Indy in January
1. Find the real killer (This is an OJ Joke)
10. Spend more time with my daughters, less time on other things
9. Finish my model helicopter
8. Finish the basement (Planned Finish Date: Christmas 2005)
7. Finish this list (Planned Finish Date: Half past a monkey's ass)
6. Come up with a funny top 10 list
5. Exercise more -- Cake is just so tasty...
4. Organize all the porn on my computer
3. Stop “Reality TV" -- Give me a gun and we will have a real "survivor" show.
2. Never ever again bet on Indy in January
1. Find the real killer (This is an OJ Joke)
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